


Oh, you had sex? Well, Simeon's Had Enough.

by 13ineedpills13



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Dirty Jokes, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Inappropriate Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24893800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13ineedpills13/pseuds/13ineedpills13
Summary: Reader and Solomon makes disgusting and cursed jokes, and badly influences Luke and Lucifer, and Simeon decides to strike back.A.k.a 5 times Simeon heard a cursed joke and 1 time he made one.There is some really offensive jokes in here that includes the events of ww2 and just bad shit in generalSo read at your own risk.
Relationships: Simeon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Solomon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 108





	Oh, you had sex? Well, Simeon's Had Enough.

Simeon had trouble understanding most references the humans made, and felt especially uncomfortable when a rather offensive or dark joke came up. He was an angel after all, and the very concept of making fun of a tragic historic event or death seemed very unnatural and weird to him. He often found himself cracking into an awkward smile whenever you made a joke about your dead grandfather who died when he took too much viagra. Who makes a joke about that? Well yeah, it was a weird way to go but it was still weird and uncomfortable. Though he never confronted you about you. If you wanted to have fun, you were allowed to. He wasn't your mother after all.

But he lost it when Luke made a similar joke at the dinner table at Purgatory Hall. "...What do you call a person who's missing their right arm?" Solomon asked as he stared at his phone, curious about the answer to this question he got from you in the middle of dinner. Everything was going smoothly, the pasta made for dinner was delicious with it's sauce and the perfectly cooked chicken pieces inside it, Simeon had borrowed some sherbet from you to drink (Lucifer agreed to buy some for you on one of his trips at the human world. It had cherry, cinnamon, clove, and ginger in it. A weird combination, but it tasted both sour and sweet, and it tasted great when it was cold). And they even put Luke's favorite dog shapes blue plate on the table for him, so the young angel was in a very good mood. Simeon was the type to be happy by others' well being and happiness, so seeing this normally feisty angel happy made him smile. But, unfortunately for Simeon, all was ruined after Luke said one word.

"Lefty." He gives a shit eating grin and continues eating, then he takes a sip out of his glass. The time in Simeon's entire world stops for a second as Solomon chuckles nervously, both out of shock and amusement. Luke pays no mind, or maybe be doesn't realize what he said was kinda fucked up. Simeon's mouth opens and closes, he had no words to say. It was official. You, Solomon and these fallen angels had ruined his _christian son_. Simeon just sighs and shakes his head, unintentionally laughing at the joke. 

\---

"...Is it true Pope Francis said that masturbation is no longer a sin?" You ask a all of a sudden one day, startling Simeon who was in the middle of doodling something in his notebook that looked like a sketch of some random angel. "...I think so?" He said with uncertainty, before pulling out his phone to look it up. He found an article that said the exact same thing and showed it to you, then saw your smirk at the corner of his eye.

"...What is it?" He asks, almost scared. Though he was pretending to draw on he textbook, all he was doing was making small lines on the wings of the angel. The angel was holding a bottle of red liquid, and had thick, black hair with a very nicely decorated cloak. The amount of detail given was honestly impressive. Though Simeon never striked you as the artistic type, this sketch looked very good.

"...Nah, nothing." You say with a smile, prying your eyes away from the sketch book and turn back at his eyes with a playful glint in your eyes, which was never a good sign. 

"I'm just happy that I don't have to feel guilty about beating it off to the pope."

\---

"The... the fucking Peppa Pig Twitter just uploaded something." You say in between laughter, catching Diavolo's, Lucifer's and Barbatos' attention. They were busy with discussing something during brealfast while you looked through your phone with one of your earbuds on Simeon's ear. You two had already ate, and yoj invited him to lay down nex to you. Now, you were were listening to a song called "Fucking Bullshit", despite of Simeon's protests. But he admited that he liked the melody, so there was no problem. Simeon's eyes were closed as he laid down next to you. "...What's it?" Diavolo asks, smiling at your red face shining with tears. "It's best not to ask, Lord D-" Simeon tries to warn them, but you cut him off.

"Next time you eat a bacon just remember it might be my choochie."

...Silence fills the room as Simeon sighs and closes his eyes again, rubbing his forehead. Barbatos stares at Lucifer's plate full of eggs and bacon. Lucifer's chewing motion stops when you say that, making Diavolo cover his mouth with his hand to contain his disgusted but amused laughter. Lucifer looks down into your eyes before swallowing his bite loudly. "...So? That's even better. I do not see the problem."

"...Out of everything you've ever done in Devildom, that one was the most repulsive." Barbatos comments, ignoring Diavolo's cackles.

\---

"...Leviathan." Simeon says in a gentle, oddly cute tone as he stares at Levi's open laptop in the classroom. Levi was busy eating his sandwich while Simeon investigates the complex device in front of him, sighing slowly. Levi simply assumes the grandpa has a question about it, so he looks back at him without an answer, expecting the question. 

"Why is there a gunpowder on your wall titled "Grandpa"?"

To this, Leviathan slowly puts his sandwich on the table and stares at the entire classroom, which was noe fixated into them. He feels the awkwardness rushing on hus veins, he just put it there for shits and giggles but Simeon just _had to_ question it, didn't he? Luckily for him, you and Solomon quickly come to his rescue.

"Make it into firework." Solomon says, as he leans on his desk with his water bottle still in his hands to allow Simeon to see you behind him.

"Being a new spark to his life." You chime in, leaning back on your chair go make yourself seen with a familiar smile over your lips.

"Going out with a bang." You both say at the same time, resulting in chuckles around the students.

\---

Simeon inhalea as he relaxes his nevres by the window of a classroom, slight leaning on it. He wished he could put holy water in his ears after all that. He soon feels the crisp, cold weather of devildom filling his lungs in a soothing way. 

His eyes snap open when he feels his phone buzz on his leg, letting his eyes adjust to the lamp inside the classroom. He reaches out to his phone and opens it, noticing a message in the groupchat he was in with the rest of the brothers, Luke, Solomon, and you.

MC  
> The world now runs on porn logic. What's the first thing you do?

"Damn it, what did I expect?" He huffs and locks his phone, but he feels it vibrate in his hands again. So, out of curiosity, he unlocks it and reads the messages.

Asmodeus  
> Find my step sister before my dad does.

Solomon  
> Pikachu used; Double team.

Luke  
> I am disgusted.

MC  
> oh shit i forgot luke was here

Simeon sighs and laughs as if he was about to cry, before putting his forehead agganist the glass window and banging it soflty a couple of times.

\---

Apperantly Devilgram doesn't have a censorship thing. It allows you to post anything with or without context, and no one cam remove it. This includes porn, very offensive shit, and other _problematic_ stuff. Well, if pornography didn't existed, the world would've ended at least 20 years ago. Simeon had to partly agree with that, unfortunately.

But shit gets weird when the weird human exchange student uploaded all of their data on their normal phone to their D.D.D. All sorts of weird photos from the human world was on their account, it was rather intresting to watch the demons' reactions.

But Simeon definetly wasn't expecting to find a picture of a barbie doll, hanging on a rope from her neck in a police station without any context.

@monSOLO  
> _"I'm a barbie girl, no longer in this woooooooorld~"_

@LittleLamb  
> _"Life was not fantastic, now I'm spastiiiiiiiiic~"_

Simeon, again, found himself slowly putting his phone down and laugh quietly, wondering where he went wrong in his life.

\---

That's it.  
It was payback time.

Simeon was sick of your and Solomon's shit, that he just had to catch you two off guard and leave you two shocked like you two did to him. He scoffs as he writes the things the upcoming test was going to consist of. It was the request of a teacher, and Simeon's hand writing was the prettiest one in the entire school, rivaling Lucifer's. He puts the chalk down and caughs a bit, the chalk dust wasn't good for his lungs at all. 

He walks over to his desk and puts his notebook down, then looks over at the doorway when he hears you two talking about a human movie you two saw and was making fun of. The conversation slowly shifts into foods and cooking, for some reason. While Solomon is complaining about how he can eat his own cooking and others can't, you laugh and make a very snarky comment.  
"You know, someone once tweeted 'Name one thing white people cook better than black people. Go ahead ill wait.' ...I guess you are the perfect example for that."

"Is it because he is jewish?" Simeon says as he walks past you, taking advantage of your poor choice of words, he smirks lightly as he leaves to buy himself some lunch. Solomon frowns at that and stares at you, clearly offended. That makes you sweat cold bullets.

"S...Solomon, I didn't-"

**Author's Note:**

> I think king solomon was jewish? Idk, i don't really remember


End file.
